Today was not much different from yesterday except that I could feel myself starting to get sick. We had to run errands, so I was roaming around in public on the rag and it was no different than using a pad or tampon. Today, however, I refrained from cutting the newest rag-so it was noticeable in my jeans…Comparing the thickness of this rag to pads…ladies, your pads are invisible. But I was wearing a long coat anyway and was unfazed. I basically gave up caring about it except for the notion that it was a white rag that would ultimately be stained for good because I only had time to soak it (not fully wash it until I reached home). Since I had to be at work Saturday morning, I rushed home to pack and leave in the evening. I had planned on changing the rag for the trip, but realized I had used the last of them. Fortunately it was thick and wrapped many times…perhaps it wouldn’t be a big deal. Regardless, I wasn’t giving in and buying a box of tampons or pads. Do you know how many I have now? For once, too many.
I set out for NY from Cleveland (an 8 hour journey) and developed a steady lead footed pace. The weather was much better this time around (I had crawled 20mph in a white out for several treacherous miles only a few days earlier). I was getting sicker and had been exhausted over the last couple days. I knew I was returning home only to work at my job and rush my interviews in (which you will hear about later) since my family did not get together and I lost my voice (and the internet!) and could not talk to anyone. I had a paper to write and the regular load of studying for my exams. My head hurt thinking about it and I pushed the pedal to 80mph, slowing when my extrasensory bells and whistles went off to alert me to a cop’s presence.
Idiot me received a phone call at one point and desperately tried to navigate through it –both of us had laryngitis-he had a Pakistani accent to go along with it. So I concentrated a little harder on the phone and a little less on the cops and suddenly had sped right past one. I know this is now well off topic of my period, however, it is here and now when the officer asked me why I was going 86 mph that I wished I was a bit more worked up to tears…I had the perfect opportunity to attempt the menstrual card.
Officer, I am leaking through my rag and need to get to the nearest bathroom AND store to buy tampons.
Officer, if you are going to pull me over, then you are going to have to let me run into the woods and put in a tampon or something!
Officer, there isn’t an open store for MILES at 11:00pm the day after Thanksgiving in the middle of Pennsylvania!!! I started bleeding through my rag and it’s going to get all over my jeans and car…please!!!!
But I didn’t pull the card. I knew I had been speeding. I didn’t think he’d care…I know doctors who haven’t been pardoned when truthfully rushing to emergencies. No one gives two shits about the bathroom card…so my only hope was that this man was the most close-minded conservative Pennsylvanian cop this side of the Poconos…and I didn’t think he’d buy it. Besides, I had no tears. I was so ill and dehydrated and congested that I couldn’t cry anything out. But could you imagine? I am thinking of writing to the clerk with a note that says “please only let a female clerk/officer read this”-and then confiding “embarrassingly” to them:
I am writing to apologize for speeding –the officer asked me and I didn’t know what to say-he was a man –how am I supposed to explain THIS to him? I had been using the same rag since early that morning. He would have been MORTIFIED! I’m so sorry, I just don’t know what to do. I felt so gross and wanted to just get it over with and get on so I could find a store before I practically bled out.
I imagine a male reading it anyway-and laughing or being grossed out. He will either buy it or not, but maybe I can save $167.00 that I don’t have. Think of it as a “get out of jail free card”- every game of Monopoly gets two right?
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