Day 2

            I guess I had cheated by the end of Day 1 as I worried I would not be in the proper state of mind to change the cup a second time.  During that special time of night where jello shots, cider and spiked hookah pass quickly and time beings to pass much more slowly, the last thing a woman might want to do is stumble to the bathroom in a conflict of euphoria and drowsiness and attempt to empty her menstrual cup, knowing that her first try was a bust.  Double-lining seemed to be the way to go, but just this once.

            After settling in on my round chair and taking in an excess of marijuana, I wasn’t moving from my spot…not for McDonald’s trip number one nor number two (made by some friends desperately seeking what are fondly known as “nugs”).  Several times I thought about the filling cup and the 12 hour caveat – “don’t wear the cup longer than that or it turns into a bloody pumpkin in your vag”, but I was fused to the chair and comfortable.  In the morning I somewhat waddled to the bathroom.  When I stood still, I was certain it gurgled at me – queefing against the sides of my vaginal wall, “Let me out!  I’m a bloody mess!”  It was rather amusing.

            I began somewhat of a wrestle to pull the cup out.  I couldn’t break the seal, pull the tab or get it to slide down.  Sure, for one moment I thought “this is what happens when you leave it in longer than 12 hours – it fills so much that the seal vacuums!”  Then I even momentarily worried: what if after all of these years of laughing about tampon emergency stories, I went to the ER with this diva cup trapped against my body – for some reason, I felt like the hospital down the street wouldn’t know what to do except speak a lot of Spanish while wheeling me around on a gurney.  ¡Que horror!  La pobre chica con su taza sangre…no podemos ayudarla.  Que malo.  A couple more splurging attempts and it came out and remained in my control.  Once again, not for crowded bathrooms…it seems high maintenance.

 

But I can tell I like it and it works….or will work when I get the hang of it.  I want to tell my mom to use this – or ask her what she was thinking…but she is beyond menopause now.  I think she had used a cup before though.  In any case, she cannot use it now, but I feel like she missed out something good.

Schwinn